HAPPY -checks calendar- SUNDAY!
Also since I forgot to do this in the last post, HAPPY NOVEMBER! Woot! …
I think I’m cool tbh.
Suddenly I am filled with ambitions, big goals and a lot of dreams. It might be to the fact that Friday was one of the best days I’ve had in a long ass time. And trust me when I say this, it was something that I didn’t know I needed until it happened and in the moment I realized, “Wow, this is what it’s like to be happy for once.”
I have been filled with positive energy for the past two days! And it all started off with Friday, first of all I actually got some form of sleep. Still not enough but it’s whatever. I woke up for class on Friday (Ugh Stats), and that class went by quick because for some odd reason half of the class was out (probs cause no one wanted to be there on a Friday morning) so he let us out early. Once I left I went back to the suite and took an amazing shower. Amazing as in for once I didn’t have to rush clean myself, because I had a class or work in like thirty to forty five minutes. So I had time to both clean myself and stand underneath the water just to relax which was super nice.
Then I threw on my Jimin shirt (which is really just a striped dress from Yesstyle) and a beanie and alongside my roommate Sammi (shout out binch)… (whoa Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way deja vu) we journeyed to Allston. Which to my non-bostonian folks, is the place with the best Korean food. At least to my knowledge. I might be wrong, feel free to treat me to food to prove me wrong… -winks-
Anyways we went to Seoul Soulongtang which is a Korean restaurant with great soups, but for me I’m forever in love with their L.A Galbi (beef), so once in awhile when I get a craving I try and convince my suite mates to troop with me all the way to Allston to get some. I’m V needy. I know.
We arrive there, and she ordered the Bulgogi soup, while I ordered the Kalbi (shocker) with kalbitang. Both of which were delicious, the soup was just what my body secretly wanted considering how windy it was outside and the beef was what I was craving for ages so everything was wonderful. Sammi also liked her meal, and that made me happy. Because I like introducing people to things and having them share my mutual happiness. Happiness should be shared you know? Especially through opinions, ideas, and art.
-pushes personal philosophies aside- Ahem.
So we ate, and all the food came to about $35 which is pretty great considering Sammi and I didn’t expect to eat as much as we did, we were both stuffed. Completely.
It was a good thing that instead of going straight home, I decided to further treat myself being in the great and full mood that I was to bubble tea. Because. It led to one of the most spontaneous and outer world experiences that I could’ve ever had. We were walking past the stores of Allston towards Kung Fu Tea, and we saw a bookstore. And well. Of course we had to enter, like it’s a bookstore? And plus our suite mate wasn’t feeling too hot, and we decided to buy him pick me up presents!
We walk down the stairs into the store (yup it’s that kinds of store), there were colorful knickknacks everywhere, on the shelves decorating the books, hanging from the ceiling. The smell of incense (or was that vape?) stuffed the air, the man behind the counter, an older man waved at us. He himself was vaping, and his bulldog walked over to greet us. Surprisingly it didn’t bark, despite barking at the other customers.
We wandered around on a mission at first to find his gifts, and during this Sammi found herself in an interesting predicament. This man from the back comes out and tells the old store owner to get this kid a book. The kid, a white kid with a beanie on, asks for a book, any book. And then the man stares straight at Sammi, and starts talking about his large abstract painting on the counter in the back. Then he asked her to help her hang the painting up outside, and she agreed. We walk outside and he talks to us about which orientation he wants to hang this poster and then where to hang it, making several trips to get the bungee to hang the poster up with. Eventually we figure it out with him and he tells us about his artwork, it was a giant abstract painting with various strokes all over the canvas, but if you looked closely you can see the different colors create almost a face, a fish, and different images/symbols. It was really really cool. Or I’m just an art hoe. That too.
We’ll just say his name is S, S was super cool we walked back into the store afterward he invited us to go to the Refuge Cafe to paint with him. Sadly we had to go and get my tea then head back. So we continued our mission to find our suite mate’s present and once we had it, we went to go pay for it with the old storekeeper. He was a nice man, I’m unsure how to pronounce or spell his name so we’ll refer to him as A. A asked Sammi if she was an Emerson student and whether or not she came before because she looked familiar, she said no and it was odd he guessed what school we went to correctly. Then he proceeded to guess her major correctly as well.
S overheard and became very excited about her being a writing major. He spoke about how people should just write to write, I believe that his intended message was that many people these days write for money or glory or fame, however people should just write for the sake of writing. For the name of art. Because it’s fun, creative, etc. He compared using what I believe is a metaphor, comparing the drive for writing to wanting salt or pepper on steak. He asked everyone if they ate steak to which everyone nodded, and he said: “Me too, I eat steak, you eat steak, we all eat steak but we all eat it differently we all don’t need salt or pepper on it.” Amen to that, am I right?
I think he was really drunk or high, or both. I don’t really now, but either way we bought our stuff and left the store. We felt bad about leaving to get bubble tea instead of going straight home, so Sammi found out where this cafe was and we walked in a giant circle in the opposite direction to avoid bumping into S because we felt bad. It was an interesting adventure really, we somehow made it back to the train station. And by the time we got back to the suite, I still haven’t processed anything but my stomach being super full for once.
Then that night, we went to go see Doctor Strange! It was a hilarious movie, another masterpiece from the Marvel Cinematic Universe tbh. They are forever slaying all these other super hero movies. The characters were really funny, although Strange at first annoyed me with his ego, eventually I saw his character development and accepted him. Favorite character is Wong by the way, he is hilarious and an Asian character that doesn’t die and is not stereotypically portrayed. LOVE IT.
Fun fact. I was watching the previews before the movie.
SPOTTED. Wu Yifan AKA Yifan AKA Fan Fan AKA Kris’s head in the Triple XXX movie trailer/preview. The one with Vin Diesel in it. Intriguing. Anyways just a fun fact.
I, in my positive energy and mood, made more ambitious goals since my last blog post. So not only have I decided I was going to film a 21st century girl choreography video. Now, I am going to learn Korean, make a bias list video with my suite mates, create a ficrec for all of my favorite fanfics, start a youtube career, and uh, try to pass class around all of that. Yup. Piece of cake!
So I haven’t finished watching Moon Lovers, and I haven’t listened to the full CBX album. Thus, I’m slacking on my KPOP Game, I know. However what I have been doing is digging myself into a hole reading fan fiction. Every single night, or everytime I have free time. There’s just something that makes me so happy reading about how happy Jimin and V are hypothetically if they were to be in a relationship. -weeps-
FIC RECS ARE COMING! I will make a giant list! Most of them are saucy, I’m sorry (not really). But it’ll be coming up soon, as well as the CBX album review. I haven’t forgotten! I will not let myself slack even though no one reads my blogs!
Now for the usual end sentimental advice section -clears throat-
I have been so positive for the past two days and it’s been helping me reflect on why I was so stressed out and tired for the rest of the month compared to these two days and while at work I figured it out. I’m always anxious, always down, always tired. True. I don’t get enough sleep, or eat enough, and most of the time make a fool of myself during conversations because I can’t articulate my words properly. I am a mess, always wanting to give up, cry, get angry over the littlest of things, or just wanting to sleep my problems away. And that explains the heavy previous blog post where I ranted about my stresses. And that’s valid, feeling like a fuck up here and there is valid.
Am I going to let my thoughts of me being a fuck up make me start acting like one?
At the end of the day, I can be stressed, I can be tired, I can be angry, I can be sad. But eventually I’ll have to push that aside for more important priorities in my life, am I going to allow the constant thought of me being a loser/pathetic continue to hinder me from achieving what I can or halting my potential? Nope! 🙂
I am a person who was born in this world for a reason, and even if it takes me a bit longer to get used to things, or if I understand things a bit slower than other people. At the end of the day I can still reach the same level of knowledge they are at. Not at the same pace but I’ll get there. Everything that I am doing has a purpose, I am in school, working, living, and even writing this blog, for a reason. And everything that I am doing and opportunities I’m not giving up on is another step on the ladder to get to where I want.
So I can have that apartment.
So I can finally adopt my bulldog puppy.
So that I can finally come to a point in life where I can always be a positive person despite my anxiety.
So that one day I can look at everyone who didn’t believe me, who cheated me, and who abandoned me to say I did it, without your help, on my own I defeated the odds.
I used to think it was impossible to change, that things were always gonna be the same. I am always going to be stressed, tired, upset, anxious. I can’t talk to people, I can’t do it. I can’t.
Well, guess what?
I talk to people just fine now, even strangers who back then made me anxious when they even approached me. I can look them right in the eye, and answer with a smile. Or even if they try to start something with me talk back rather than retreat into a shell as I formerly chose to do.
I thought I was going to quit work but I stuck through and made enough to buy myself (with my own money) for the first time in my nineteen years of living, my own winter jacket.
I thought I’d never be able to sell products to anyone because of my awkward behavior, and slightly cold attitude. I sold over 10k of shoes in the past month, and counting.
So instead of I can’t.
I can. I will. I did.
I can do all those things that I tried to convince myself I can’t. Because it’s too difficult, because I’m too tired, because of this because of that.
And you can too. I believe in you, and so do so many other people. People who understand, people who are reading, people in the same position you are in, maybe even worse.
However this motivational rant is pointless, until you yourself take a step back from your own body objectively and think to yourself, wow I am pretty damn awesome and I can do whatever I try to do. Even if it takes failing and going through hell maybe more than once. I am going to defeat my inner struggles, whatever they are, shove it into a box, lock it away, and live my life the way I want to. I am not going to let my insecurities, my issues, or my struggles define who I am as a person. I am more than that, I am beautiful, handsome, happy, successful, wonderful, etc. I am going to love myself, and start believing that I deserve a better future and start fighting for that future.
^ wow sentimental as fuck cyndi. Wow, you really outdone yourself this time. MY BEE. Anywho I just realized it’s 3:20 AM, and I am still typing this post while my room mate is asleep. I still have the lights on, yikes! SORRY SAMMI!
I also have work in nine hours. How many hours of sleep am I going to get tonight? Probs like five tbh…. NO REGRETS. -cries- (okay maybe a little regret?)
SWEET DREAMS! Au Revoir! Sending you infinite positivity, remember you can do it, you are wonderful as everyone else is. Positivity is key! Forever sending you good vibes! -thumbs up-
P.S I love this gif, i love VMINm god bless they make me so happy. #relationshipgoals #friendshipgoals #JUSTGOALS
P.S.S Sammi you really inspired me to post this blog post into the wee hours of the night, thanks boo.