Hello Internet! 🙂 Another life update! This time it is not written from class, see progress! 😉
It’s been a tough three days all. I feel like everyone has been feeling under the weather, and the rain hasn’t been helping with my mood either. Boston weather is so relatable these days. Like when I’m angry or sad it’s dark and gloomy or raining outside. With possibly a Bring Me The Horizon song (ahem Don’t Go ft. Lights, wow what a dark phase for me). When I’m happy I feel like those girls in all white in tampon commercials, with the song Pocket Full of Sunshine in the background.
But anyways it was the dreaded… REGISTRATION -cue boos- I had three schedules all ready and excited to choose my classes for next semester, but then out of nowhere all of the classes tragically, especially for my required classes, were full. And I had to randomly pick random things to possibly fit in my schedule, with possible professors that I might not even like. But it’s you know.
But the best part of registration was me going through what could possibly be the worse time to go through an existential crisis, considering I suddenly wanted to change my major, possibly pick up a minor, and cry all at the same time. The only questions floating through my head were, am I happy with my major? Can I somehow change the course of my life just like this? What would my parents say? WHO ARE YOU REALLY CYNDI?! -deep breath- So I figured I liked Business of Creative Enterprise better anyways, I could totally see myself working in the entertainment business as a business person rather than the road of marketing I’m going into anyways.
HOWEVER, since my college sucks. They introduced that major the year after I started my undergrad, and I can’t switch into the major since it has required freshmen seminars and stuff. WHY. So after convincing myself into the major, I had to convince myself out of the major and back into my original major. Marketing Communications. So after that I was like why not pick up a minor? It’s not like you need all of the other electives or anything right? -twitch-
So anyways point being I’ve had a stressful two days, as per usual I am always stressed and my stress results in the state of my skin which is gross tbh. My face is v dry, and my eyes are super puffy. I have mini eczema rashes on both my arms, and very possibly my feet. Stress Eczema is the shittiest thing that I was born with, it is not only annoying but as a child not knowing what it was and how to stop it was traumatic. Considering everyone called you Cyndi-Chappa behind your back. -second twitch- .
Work is only a cherry on top of all the work I have this semester considering now I’m working a lot more hours, since it is drifting closer to the holiday season. Happy friggin holidays I guess.
But anywho, I’m gonna be sentimental right now so that I don’t end sentimental because that is what I usually do, and I feel like being bold today and spicing things up. -forced wink-
I’m going to reiterate that everyone has a bad day, and everyone is bound be upset and lash out at someone at one point in their life. If not lash out they might be more quiet, or reserved instead. Either way, everyone has their own issues and problems.
I’ll give you the amazing advice my manager gave me (she’s literally the best) about when you are giving advice or talking with someone. Be objective with them, be as objective and specify exactly what you think they should do or work on to possibly help with their issue, and as long as you do that with good intentions, it should be fine.
If they openly share them with you, you should be empathetic not sympathetic, and support them. If they are choosing to share something with you, they are reaching out for support and possibly advice. They’ll specify when they want the latter.
If they want advice, then you should tell them honestly what you think. If they are reaching out for advice then anything you give them should be trying to help them, not something that is sugarcoated to make them feel better or something you would do if you were in their position. Because sometimes the advice that is harsh, honest, and real is what they’ll need in the long run. You can’t control the way people react to things, or how they think. You can only support them if they reach to you for support. If they do.
If they decide not to share them with you, but you know something is wrong, it’s okay. It might be because it’s currently hard for them to process what’s going on in their lives themselves, or maybe they think it’ll cause a burden for you, or maybe they are just not a fan of sharing their personal lives. People all cope and deal with things differently. Possibly they are the type of people to internalize everything, be angry/upset in the moment, but once they process it themselves they will have already moved on from it later. Just remember that you have your own life, and you can’t let someone else’s bad day or overanalyze a situation into something that makes you upset or drags you down.
Remember that there are many other things in your life, and you have a lot more to worry about, work, school, friends, family, this fucking election -shudders-. Then apply it to other people, they have the same general issues as you do, and they don’t react to them or deal with them the same way you do. Everyone is different. Everyone deals with trying to balance their social, academic, work, and other aspects of their life. And you, and I, have to understand that just because they’re snapping at you or avoiding you for a little bit, doesn’t mean you did something wrong, it doesn’t mean they’re in the wrong either, there is no right or wrong in this situation it is just common human interaction. Not everything can be unicorns and rainbows all the time.
Another thing right now I’m struggling with is: Don’t assume. I struggle with that because of my anxiety. When I’m at work especially and it at times puts in a low mood. I’m always wondering are people talking to me, I need to know, I need to find out, I need to check in. They definitely are talking about me, because I did XYZ or said this or that.
But they’re not.
I’m learning to take a step back and going: “I think they’re mad at me because I said this, maybe they hate me. But they probably are not, they probably have a lot more to talk about, there are things about their lives that I don’t know about. There are things that I don’t know, and I’m okay with that. Because I don’t need to know it, unless it concerns me personally or unless they share them with me. If there are things wrong with me personally, I trust in them to tell me in person and if they do not then it’s not a problem as of right now.” Think in the present, and always think the best of people. Believe in people even if it’s hard to believe in them. They might keep secrets about you from you or something, but at the end of the day by them not telling you and keeping things from you. Your personal life is unaffected.
So a couple of people don’t like the way you do things, so what? Instead of getting angry or defensive, be positive, trust in them.
Maybe the things they’re keeping from you is to preserve your feelings? Maybe they care about you and aren’t sure how to approach a topic? Maybe they, themselves, think that they are the reason for their negative feelings or the tension and is blaming themselves for feeling or thinking a certain way. That maybe it’s not about you at all.
It seems like I’m putting blind faith into people too much, but what can I do? Should I rather instead live my life feeling like I am being criticized not only by myself but my closest friends and family all the time? I’d rather fake till I make it. I believe in myself that I chose the right friends to hang out with, that the people I choose to keep in my life are the ones who deserve to be there, and I will choose to believe in their good intentions rather than letting my insecurities overpower my life. I won’t let my anxiety win. I won’t let my anger win. I will let positivity take over, and just keep breathing. I will continue living trying not to let the negative insecurities I have bring me down.
And I believe everyone should at least try to do so as well, if we all look around and believe in the good in people rather than just the bad then maybe we all can live together civilly. If we all understand that everyone has their own decisions, obstacles, privilege, adversity, opinions, values, and feelings. We don’t have to be best friends, but we all can coexist in the world that we live in once everyone accepts that the other person is a human being, and that really everyone just wants to be happy with themselves and their lives.
-cue dramatic sigh of relief and wipes sweat-
Wow I really went on a rant there huh? When I’m in the mood to rant I’m in the mood to rant what can I say. I am an angry child transitioning into a adulthood.
BUT ANYWAYS moving on to way less intense/stressful things. NAMJOON.
Why is Namjoon suddenly sliding into my feels like this? I have never had Namjoon feels, and then suddenly one day all I can see where his dimples and stupid ass dancing (I love you, Joonie). WHY. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?! I blame the puma ads, I blame the stupid 3rd Muster drama they created, and THE HIGH SCHOOL 360 SKETCH. HIS HANDS. -cries ugly tears-
Speaking of feels, one thing that makes me happy out of these past two-three days of stress. MY ROOMMATE IS NOW OBSESSED WITH KPOP. Just like myself. 😉 (Shoutout again to Sammi!) At first it was just Megan, Emmy, and myself but now Sammi has joined us on the bandwagon. She has created her very own kpop wall, and has over fifteen postcards coming in the mail. AND I LOVE IT.
She’s so far into the fandom, it’s too late to turn back -evil cackle-. She is now also awaiting her Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 2 album, and has the “I” version of Wings in her possession. She has future plans to buy more kpop albums, and more merch. I have created a beautiful monster. -beams proudly- I might secretly take pictures of our kpop walls, and post them in the near future. Tbh.
And another transition, Redbubble, Postcards, and RETAIL THERAPY. I’m not going to lie, I have no money whatsoever to be spending it on things left on right that I don’t need. But there’s something about having new things in your closet that make my heart lose some stress. Adding things to your cart and then getting something new your mail, it’s like spicing up your life with a new item you’ve never had before. Maybe I’m just materialistic, I don’t deny it. I love material items. Don’t be like me folks binge buying on things you don’t really need might be satisfying but you do need to save up money for rent, food, and college loans. -weeps- Also in my case add a bulldog to that mix.
(although I found this sketch website that sold bulldogs for like $500 -shifts eyes- rather than the usual $3000).
I’m sentimental and gross, so I’m going to add more things to help you be happy temporarily in the middle of your stressful and tense life. Ah adulthood.
What I’ve been doing lately other than the things I listed in the previous post…
I’ve created a Neopets account (WHAT?! BUT THATS FOR CHILDREN) I know I know. I’m a child, but that’s the best part. I just want a blast from a past, something that takes me out of the present and brings me back to the good ol’simple days. You know? So I created a Neopets, and took up the responsibility of adopting an online pet. Playing simple games, and obsessing over the cute graphics. I high key might try and make a Trollz account too, because why not am I right? Kids games. I love it.
Also CARTOONS! I recently binged watched Xiaolin Chronicles, and have ya’ll heard? YOUNG JUSTICE SEASON THREE IS COMING BACK -claps intensely- Ah I love my use of adverbs. Are all my suite mates who are writing majors irritated yet? Any who watch cartoons! More children activities! Color! Watch kids shows that all end with love, friendship, and happy endings. Wrapped up all neatly in a nice bow!
Ahem. WATCH Calligraphy Videos! They make me happy and oddly emotional, I learn something new about myself everyday. It’s all thanks to my roommate once more, she’s really good and showing me videos that cheer me up or oddly makes me feel content for some odd reason. Her blog is super cool too, she actually inspired me to write my blog. FOLLOW HER ( promo 😉 ) Sammi 🙂
Gross I guess it still ended up being sentimental. Boo. I gross myself out sometimes. With all this cheese. But anyways, good vibes! I love you all! Don’t be a stranger! Stay positive, I know it’s difficult considering everyone’s in a different situation but I believe in you, and I know everything you’re doing is with good intentions! Stay wonderful! ❤