[Challenge] Day 02 – Your First Love

Hello everyone! 🙂

It’s day two of the challenge and I’m already at a stand still at what to write about. But I’ll give it a go 😉

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My First Love?

That’s going to be a bummer, this is a story that even my body won’t let me forget anytime soon. Seriously, because I’m still have dreams about this person. I’ll try not to go into too many details because we’re like still “friends” on Facebook, and even if he doesn’t read this we do have mutual friends that are going to be like, “Wow Cindy, it’s been like years. You’re grossly obsessive, wow.” ANYWAYS. So yeah, I’ll try to alter it enough so that it’s not so obvious, but it’s going to be hard to do that. 😀 So hopefully it’ll all work out -cries- I care too much about how people see me.

Anyways. So there was this boy, and let me tell you when I say boy I meant to say that my first love (although love is a gross word, so let’s just say crush), my first crush, was a really really outgoing boy. It was kind of funny because at first I didn’t really have a crush on him, it was completely on this other guy in class that my mom knew his mom. In my puny brain I was like hey that’s kind of like a story arc, and it was cute. Because when I was little, I thought my life was kind of like one giant production. A movie or something with trials and tribulations that were mad dramatic. Any who, point is I didn’t really take interest in this boy until really the end of the year. When he told me to tell my friend that he liked her, in which she responded to tell him he was stupid. And after telling him that we developed an unlikely friendship, it was weird because it wasn’t like we were close close, but we talked basically everyday. And we were close for a bit until someone planted it in my head that “when boys tease you it means they like you” bull that is now obviously ridiculous. But like back then it was like. What? Someone likes me? What does that mean? You know, it was that young. ANYWAYS. I obviously fell for it as a simple minded kid, and started reading into things. Even as he started teasing me a bit more often, and at times it even became mean. Drawing on pictures of me and such.

Then I did the unthinkable, I catfished him. Yes, I was one of those. -weeps- It was a dark time in my past, I made up a person who was to be my cousin. With the reason to try and talk to him more because he liked this catfish cousin of mine more than me. Obviously. So I was like wow if he likes her, I can use her to confess. Something like that it was really really stupid. Anyways, what I told my friends who would’ve shamed me if I ever confessed my crush was that I did it to one day aim to hurt him or some stupid shit like that. Like break his heart or something. It was THE meanest thing that I have ever done, let me tell you. I still feel guilt to this day. So after realizing that I catfished him obviously he was upset with me, and started to bully me alongside a friend that wasn’t my friend anymore.

For some odd reason, she “hated” me because I was annoying. But like, I was really confused and didn’t know why either. But anyways they started bullying me, which wasn’t really bullying it was more like talking about me behind my back and spreading lies about me around the school. Oh, and starting an Anti-Cindy fan club. Well I wasn’t a saint either, let me tell you. I was also equally as vicious, in defense, but also not. I can admit I was wrong now, that I reflected upon it. But anyways he joined her in hating me, while our friend group picked sides, it was really ridiculous. Like really ridiculous. Anyways it was a big thing, but it was almost sad because my crush on him carried for who knows how long. Near the end of my years at that school, feelings resurfaced as we all became somewhat friends again. Except me and that one girl, but by then we all already separated into separate groups but this boy and I are friends again.

We were almost kind of inseparable, it was strange. He and I kind of ended up in the same places, had the same goals, plans, career ideas, etc etc. We kind of clicked, but really it might have just been my one-sided pining. But anyways, our friends all thought we were going to be together one day. I never knew if he liked me back ever, but the one time I did confess he said no.

My crush carried for a bit, and eventually one day I thought maybe we can reconnect and see if things could carry beyond that. Without any hope really because he never really came through when the group made plans with one another. But this one time he did and it was great, except until the very end. I lost him during the event and then tried to contact him because it was a dangerous city and stuff. But like he ghosted me, literally ghosted. It means not replying, responding, or letting anyone know that you still existed. He basically ignored me until I was beyond out of my mind panicking that he might’ve died or something, and he still hasn’t talked to me since. I do know he’s okay, safe, and living his life though. So he’s just fine. Just an asshole, but whatever. I refuse to call this my first love, because I don’t think this is love. Just a really pathetic and upsetting memory, that will never go away. But it’s what I thought about when I saw this prompt. -weeps-

I really hope he doesn’t get around to reading this, this is really weird. -shift eyes-

I look back on this moment and just think of how weak I was. Why was I so stupid? And let this one boy really take over so many of my thoughts? It is just so dumb? I still get mad thinking about it, because while I’m here upset about him and everything that had happened in the past. He’s just continuing to live, and thinking back and probably believing that I’m some obsessive weird girl from his past that screwed him over. -face palm-

BUT LIKE WHO NEEDS HIM NOW? When I now have my noodle? 🙂

I’m sorry this was so sad and slightly angry. I would add details but you know. -shifts eyes- I love you guys, good vibes! And remember that loving yourself is the first priority!

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