Super Bowl, OCD, & Jungkook(ie)!

Hello all! Another life update is being thrown your way… I CHOOSE YOU -throws pokeball- Ahem, sorry I’ve been rewatching pokemon these days.


^ relationship goals, with Chan -weeps-




I’m so proud of them, you see. I thought I was gonna miss the whole stupid thing, because I was at work. I worked 11 to 8 that day and had to stay extra because the strange customers were in that day.  Strange as in, rude, loud, and impatient customers that don’t seem to understand that retail is always a season early and that most of our boot sizes are obviously gone because we’re getting ready for sandals already. But okay. Whatever. You’re the only person in the world, I get it. The rest of us are just dust floating around you, and triggering your allergies until you need us to bend ourselves backwards to accommodate your schedules.

Wow. I don’t sound bitter at all. -shifts eyes-

ANYWAYS, yeah I thought I missed it! I even ran my ass out of work, turns out all I missed was the first half and the half time show which was fine considering I can always watch Gaga’s performance later and the Pats totally sucked the first half anyways. 21 to Nothing, oh I mean 21 to 3. Whatever.

And I thought we were gonna lose it, in the third quarter where we were making some progress but not really. But then Brady really pulled whatever it was out of his ass, stopped being a sad meme lord and got his act together. But really it was all Amendola that carried the team to VICTORY. WOOOOOOOO! That last quarter and into touchdown made my anxiety go up, it was v stressful but so exciting. Ah. Football.

SO HELL YES WE WON THE SUPER BOWL WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT. Anywho, tomorrow’s the parade, so it’s going to be a pain in the ass getting to and from class considering it’s smack in the middle of the parade. Also, it’s going to cut into my nap time. -weeps- So like I don’t even know if I want to go to the parade? BUT LIKE CINDY IT’S THE PARADE. I KNOW. When your inner self is like you need to sleep because you’ve got two presentations tomorrow and is going to be mad stressed, but at the same time you’re like when is the next ducking time we’re going to win the Super Bowl while you’re right at the center of the parade to watch it?

Plus it’s the Patriots. And yes I know that half of the country hates the Patriots, Bill Belichick, and Tom Brady. For a variety of reasons. Whether it be that they come off as arrogant, deflate gate, Tom’s UGGs commercials, Donald Trump, etc. I grew up with the patriots, I watched them as a kid and bonded with the rest of my family because of the sporting event. The Superbowl also somewhat fueled my excitement to create advertisements and work in marketing, seeing how creative the ads get every year. So I know most of ya’ll think it’s stupid and the patriots suck, for me it’s different than that.

Growing up in Boston, sports is almost a second nature. We are such a sports city, and everyone is in a giant community centered around it. Red Sox, Bruins, Celtics, The Patriots. Whenever we’re losing or winning, the whole city feels it. It’s like we all are apart of the team, and a giant family. So when we lose, the city feels almost desolate like the hope that was previously there simmered down into a dull fog. But when we win, we all win. The city is in joy, as you all might’ve seen when there were cars honking and people cheering in the commons. The city almost lights up, and there’s a feeling of proudness from you. Like it’s a personal win, like a family member just defeated all obstacles to win.

^ sentimental and cheesy shit.

Needless to say I screamed when we won, and held back tears in front of my suite mates.

Anyways moving on, another thing to scream about. IT’S JUNGKOOK’S GRADUATION DAY! Woot Woot Woot! But let us not forget SinB & Umji as well from GFriend! ❤ My little cuties are graduating, and can we talk about how flipping happy they all look! It’s crazy that they’re graduating considering that I am only older than them by a year or months actually. And I’m already on my sophomore going into junior year of college, but their culture is different and they’re idols. So levels.

As the days tick down, I’m like more excited for the BTS concert. Have you all been noticing the loads of Kpop groups coming to tour the U.S though? HyunA, SHINee, BAP, B1A4, EXO, BTS. Soon Kpop is going to take over the world, and I’m LOVING IT. All the kpop groups that spend so much time practicing and perfecting their craft, is deserving of the same recognition as any other artist around the world rather than being considered a “subcultural interest”.


Anywho, you ever just sit in the middle of class and consider your life? “You mean have an existential crisis in class?” Yes. That’s what I mean. I thought about the entirety of life and what it entails, and realized something in the middle of African American History today. I have OCD like thoughts. I don’t want to diagnose myself because I might not even have it, but I have thoughts that reflect those of someone with OCD would have. Mixed in with anxiety but it’s really interesting reflecting about it in class today.

So it started with the toilet, see. I never really thought about it, but always felt weird going to the bathroom. Slowly I stopped going to the bathroom in public, and public meant a friends house included. I could only use the toilet at the place where I lived, with people I felt comfortable around. But even then I was self conscious. I pegged that as an anxiety of what people thought about me, which it is. But then I found myself obsessing over the thought of the dust around the toilet rim, or the toilet paper running out, or the little drops of water on the inside of the bowl, the thought of the smell, the thought of the germs, bacteria, the thought of someone else sharing the bathroom not too long ago, and I find myself going into a panicked and slightly heaving state on the ground holding my chest.

I thought that was it, but then I went home for the winter break and I found myself obsessing over the sidewalks while walking to the train station near my house. All the grass I walked past, I thought about what could possibly in it. Like dog poop, or poop, or pee, or anything that can carry germs. Then I looked around the sidewalks, afraid of stepping on anything that might be gross. Like gum on the street or poop. UGH I HATE POOP. -shrudders- So on the walk from my house to the train station, 15 minutes, I panicked all the way. At the train station, I panicked seeing someone spit on the ground. You know one of those gross spitting things, with the guttural noise and all. And I thought it was going to hit me, and by the time I sat down on the train all I could think about was the germs on the seats the handles and poles.

I thought, okay I’m a germaphobe. I can do that. Yeah, totally normal. So I’m not a camping, nature, or outside kind of girl. Whatever. BUT THEN I had this thought in class today. I was working on my marketing presentation right? And I was like hm, I really like things organized. Full planners, pages, and color coding makes me happy. That’s one of the reasons why I love coloring, a full page makes me happy.  But my room is a mess? So I can’t be an organizing fanatic right? Well no. Even though my room is messy af, I have a method to my madness. I know where everything is, and why they go there. And also it’s as if my brain sets myself up to make my room a mess for days when I’m panicking. Because once I clean, my nerves immediately soothe themselves. And I find myself humming to kpop songs while cleaning, happy and excited.

I love dusting, despite my allergies.

In addition to that I’m obsessed with routine, I drink at least one caffeinated drink every day. And it always has to be a Pepsi or Dr. Pepper if it’s anything else I get kind of wary. I want every day to be consistent which is why I believe that work for me was such a pain during winter break which almost led me to quitting. I think going from and to work was a pain in the ass, especially since I just got used to going to work from school. And then having my manager and coworkers suddenly be stressed and being frustrated with me was different. I always have this constant fear that I did something wrong, and obsess over it until someone or something reassures me that I did nothing wrong. And thoughts like this haunt me for a LONG time. There are some things I’m still obsessing over.  Still.

But yep. That’s it, that’s all of my thoughts for today. I wonder if I’m going to have weird dreams tonight? It tends to happen when I have emotional break throughs like this. But we’ll see, if I do. I’ll let ya’ll know. -claps-




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